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How to help

As much as I would like to take donations such as cakes and fizzy pop, I really do need your money.

Of course it would be rude to just accept peoples money, without offering something in return.

This is where the tiers of donation comes in to effect.

Tier One

The Five Pound and Less Donation Tier

For each donation of £5 or less you will earn raffle tickets.  Each pound entitles you to a ticket.  Subject to the total number of tickets sold being at least 50 the draw will take place on my birthday.

The prizes will be as follows;

1st Prize – The Che Guevara Bobble Head Doll.  This retails at over £35, is beautifully made and is the oddest pro-communism product seen to date.  A photo will soon be added to the site.

2nd Prize – Life by Keith Richards.  This giant book caused me no end of hassle post purchase, I have read about ten pages.  I paid £15 for it, and it really is in delightful condition.

3rd Prize – A book about Josef Fritzel that I found in the spare room.

Tier Two

The Six to Fifteen Donation Tier

For every donation you make in Tier Two you will earn a ticket to my Birthday Party.  This will probably be held in Brighton, but if I comes in to enough money there may be a London event as well.  If you donate the full Fifteen pounds you will also be entitled to an alcoholic beverage (no doubles or champagne) that I will buy you.

Tier Three

The Variety of Gifts Donation Tier

Twenty Pounds

A chat with me.  If you donate £20 you will earn a fifteen minute telephone conversation with me, I will call you and discuss his day, maybe what you have been up to as well.  If you insult me then I will say something bad back to you, but I will stay on the line for the full fifteen minutes.  This is potentially a great way to take out your frustrations on one of life’s losers.

Thirty Pounds

An hour with me.  In either Sussex or London, I will join you for one hour for a drink.  We can talk about the days events.  If you seem a bit odd, or I need a lift, I will probably bring a friend.

Fifty Pounds

I do a song.  I will either write you a song, or do a cover version and send you a cd of it.  There is a high probability that it will be really rubbish, but you will be allowed full ownership of all of the publishing rights (I will put a contract with the CD.)

Over Fifty Pounds

This is negotiable, as I will listen to most offers.

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