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Amazon

Hi Amazon

Thanks for talking to me, in advance of your response.

The above order was for two items, Wrestlemania 17 on DVD and Tombstone:The history of the Undertaker.  I also ordered Stewart Lee 41st best stand up comedian a little bit later.  All the products work, but that is not our issue.

First of all let me tell you a story about a man, that man is called Steven, he is my friend.  Steven and me met during the Gulf War, not just at the pub but in the heat of battle.  During that war I got shot, Steven rushed to save me, risking his own life, on the way to medics, something happened (it is too gory and involved to explain here, it is best if I draw a picture, which your comments section does not support) and Steven lost the use of his legs.

Since that day Steven has sat in his house, I moved closer to him and I visit him every two days.  He has two loves that he has constantly followed, WWE Wrestling and the works of the early 90′s comedy duo Lee and Herring.  I often buy him little treats as he never leaves the house, as you can see from my account I recently bought him the Monday Night Wars DVD and Richard Herrings latest book.

On Wednesday it was Steven’s birthday, so it was time for a real treat.  His favourite Wrestlemania was number 17 and his favourite wrestler?  The Undertaker.  I didn’t want to use your service as I was worried the goods would not arrive on time, but you had an offer on to try your Prime service, so I went for it, next day delivery, party starting at 5, what could go wrong?

This is what went wrong.

All day I waited for delivery, as the hours ticked by I started to worry I wouldn’t get the DVDs but I checked online and you said they were in transit.  As time went on, I got more and more worried, at 4.30 I had to leave to get to his house.  I headed over there without the gifts.  Steven knew that I was getting him some wrestling DVDs and we, along with some of the other army lads were going to watch them.  When I turned up empty handed he looked livid.  I tried not to bring it up, but he sat their seething until he finally called me over.  I went to his wheelchair and he looked me in the eye and told me I had ruined his day.  Have you ever been told you ruined the birthday of a man who saved your life and in the process sacrificed his own mobility?  No?  Well I have, and it hurts like hell, worse than a bullet in your chest in the middle of a desert. (I may get that reference point a lot more than you)

Steven then tried to throw a punch at me, I dodged it and he fell out of his wheelchair on to the floor.  Despite being unable to use his legs he has maintained the upper body strength that he was famed for in our days in the army.  While crying he picked up his wheelchair and threw it at his TV, there were sparks and glass and chaos all around me, it was like a pitched gun battle in the desert (again maybe only I get that reference).  At this point my son walked it with the DVDs, which were now pretty much useless.

The delivery had taken place at 17.14, on the package it said they were to be delivered by 17.30, but this was not stated at the time of ordering, if I had known I would have used a shop and saved a TV.

Anyway now Steven wants me to get him a new TV, he is insistent that it should be a full HD 37 inch Sony Bravia LCD TV like the one he had before, at worst he will accept a Panasonic Viera.  I cannot afford one of these.  As I feel that your lack of information on your website at the time of ordering is at least partially responsible for this disaster I have come up with two solutions;

1. You give me the TV mentioned about for free, I give it to Steven, we are great friends again and can watch the DVDs.

2. You heavily discount one of these TV’s so I can buy it for Steven.  I have about £50.

I doubt that I will continue the trial membership to your Prime service as this was an absolute disaster.

I look forward to your response.

Dear Customer

Thank you for contacting Amazon.co.uk.

I apologise for any inconvenience caused with the delay in delivering your order.

I realise the urgency surrounding this order’s timely delivery, it is never our intention to inconvenience our valued customers like you.

I understand that you have ordered these items for your friend’s birthday present but you were unable to present the items to him since the delivery was made at 05:15 PM.

Please note that City Link deliver the parcel anytime between 07.00 and 18.00. We cannot assign a particular time for delivery of the parcel.

I regret that this incident has caused damage to the TV.

We hope you’ll understand that we are unable to offer you any concession in relation to this matter. Once again, I apologise for this inconvenience.

Further, if you don’t want to automatically renew your benefits when your membership expires, please follow these steps:

1. Click the Your Account link at the top of our website.
2. Click on “Prime Settings” and sign in.
3. Click the “Do not renew” button.

On the membership status screen, you’ll see a message that reads “Your membership will not be renewed.”

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.co.uk.

Thank you for your prompt response from the mysterious Simon M.  It arrived at quarter to 11, they certainly work you hard!

I clicked on the link for no this did not solve my problem, as there is still a broken TV at Steven’s house!  I understand from Simon M.’s email that you cannot replace the TV, this is disappointing on many levels.

Firstly, Simon M. refers to the TV as damaged, trust me the word damage does not do justice to the situation, you should refer to it as the completely annihilated TV.  Have you ever thrown a wheelchair at a TV, trust me there is only one winner, and even that now has a buckled wheel.

Secondly, I am up at this late hour because Steven has been at my house watching DVDs on my old portable TV.  He could hardly see anything and started getting angry again so I had to ply him with booze to keep him quiet.

I do not drive so I had to push his wheelchair (complete with buckled wheel) all the way to his house (3 and a half miles away) all the local kids were shouting at us, calling us gay and what not, this is no way to treat heroes from the forces is it?

I would like to thank Simon M. for his advice on removing myself from the Prime service, I suspect I will be taking note.

If you cannot send a TV can you send the following items;

-Some Batman action figures, from the Dark Knight, not the brave and the bold ones, these will keep his hands busy when he is missing TV and alone in the house

-Some Batman comics, Graphic novel style, not Batman RIP, Batman Year One, Batman The Dark Knight Returns, The Killing Joke, The Long Halloween or Arkham Asylum. This will keep his eyes busy when he misses TV.

- One of those chin up bars for the doorway.  I know it is dangerous to keep letting him work on his upper body considering the ‘incident’ that occurred yesterday.

- Instructions on how to build an LCD TV (37 inches) using household appliances.

Thanks in advance.

Dear Customer,

Thanks for contacting us at Amazon.co.uk.

First, please allow me to extend my most sincere apologies for any frustration this matter has caused. I would like to assure you that I have reviewed the previous contact regarding this matter and I see that our prior communication have not appropriately addressed your concerns. I hope that I can be of some help.

From your email, I can truly understand that how importance this Birthday Present was.
Per your request, to compensate for this inconvenience, we would like to offer you the all the below items :

-Some Batman action figures, from the Dark Knight, not the brave and the bold ones, these will keep his hands busy when he is missing TV and alone in the house
-Some Batman comics, Graphic novel style, not Batman RIP, Batman Year One, Batman The Dark Knight Returns, The Killing Joke, The Long Halloween or Arkham Asylum. This will keep his eyes busy when he misses TV.
- One of those chin up bars for the doorway. I know it is dangerous to keep letting him work on his upper body considering the ‘incident’ that occurred yesterday.

Please go ahead and place a new order for the above item and write back to us with the order number.

Rest assured we will refund the order cost.

Further, in regards to the damaged Sony Bravia LCD TV, I would suggest you contact the manufacturer to get this damages TV repaired. I’ve included the contact information for the manufacturer [SONY] below:

I hope this resolution and the information is satisfactory.

Thank you for your understanding. We are looking forward to see you again at Amazon.co.uk.

Thank you for your response.  It really made my day!  The service provided by Raghunandan R really is exceptional.  I do not know who his direct superior is but I suggest you immediately promote him.

I have a couple of questions, one – will you definitely refund me?  as i previously stated (see first email) I only have about £50, so if if the refund takes more than one day I may not be able to eat.

two – if i ordered say, £300 worth of goods would you tell me that is too much? is there a maximum value to this offer?

I would also like to thank you for your advice regarding contacting Sony.  I actually got a friend round to Steven’s house who knows about TV’s.  I was hoping he could give me an estimate for the repairs, but according to him (and I quote) ‘when a bit of metal has actually passed through not only the screen but the back of the tv, ripping out all the electrics on it’s way through it would cost more to fix it that buy a new one’.  So sadly I doubt that Sony can help me.

Thank you also for realising how this ruined what should have been Steven’s perfect day.  Sadly I have to tell you he has now got a bit worse.  When I went to visit him earlier today the door was locked and the curtains were shut.  I knocked on that door for over 3 hours.

Eventually I managed to break the door down, when I walked in Steven was slumped in the corner (i think he fell out of his chair) repeatedly pressing the power button on his now pointless remote control.  He thought that if he wished hard enough he would get a signal.

I don’t know what to do with him now.

In the end I just cradled him for a couple of hours until the sleeping pills took hold, then he drifted off.

If I put a Sony Bravia 37 inch TV in my basket would that exceed our pre-arranged limit?

Thank you for all your help at this terrible, terrible time.

Dear XXX

Thank you for contacting Amazon.co.uk.

Please note that the information in our previous e-mail is inaccurate. We will not refund any new orders placed in relation to this issue.

Items being delivered on our Prime service are not Guaranteed Delivery as occasionally, events beyond our control may cause a delay. We take full responsibility should any item become lost or damaged during delivery and we are happy to replace these items at our own cost.

In this instance, we will not be able to offer any compensation for the delay. Apologies for any disappointment this may cause.

Thank you for your attention to this e-mail.

Hello again Amazon, I seem to spend all of my time emailing you at a moment, and receiving emails from yourself, whether it be from Simon M (not very helpful), Raghunandan R (definitely the best member of staff that you have and a man I now regard as a friend) or Bryan (a man who happily breaks promises put in place by his colleagues).

As you will see from our previous conversations this really has been a roller coaster of emotions, if you were to plot them on a graph there would be extreme lows (the destroyed TV), absolute despair (simon m’s reply), a sense of hope and a warm feeling inside (the offer of some gifts) and the feeling of having your heart ripped out (Bryan’s horrendous email).

Shortly before receiving Bryan’s email I had been speaking to Steven, I told him all about the gifts that you were going to send him, for the first time since the birthday party I saw him smile.  He was so happy that he drew a picture called ‘Steven loves Amazon’.  Artistically it is appalling but when you consider the sentiment it is beautiful.  I am not ashamed to say that I was moved to tears.

Then when I get home I see Bryan’s email, and the world collapses again.  I don’t know what to tell Steven now, I really don’t.

I have some questions for you;

1. If I had ordered the goods would you have just not refunded me?  You made a promise so I am fairly sure that is illegal.

2. Why the change of tact now?

3. What do you think I should tell Steven?

4. Do you want me to send you the picture?  Give me an address and I will forward it on.

5. How does Bryan sleep at night considering what he had done?  I didn’t sleep last night, and now I have to go over Steven’s house and break his heart all over again.

6. If Bryan and Simon M are both correct will Raghunandan R be punished and conversely if he is correct will Simon M and Bryan pay for this incident with their jobs?  I would appreciate knowing how this develops.

I can also forward you a mood graph showing the effect that this whole affair has had on both myself and Steven, but again I will need a postal address.

What if Steven chooses to keep his hands busy by throttling me?

I would appreciate some answers from the highest ranked member of staff in your offices.

Thanks in advance.

Dear XXX,

Thank you for contacting Amazon.co.uk.

My name is Kim and I work in the customer escalation team.

Please understand that the information provided in our last message correctly represents our policy at this time.

As my colleague previously mentioned, We will not refund any new orders placed in relation to this issue.

Items being delivered on our Prime service are not Guaranteed Delivery as occasionally, events beyond our control may cause a delay. We take full responsibility should any item become lost or damaged during delivery and we are happy to replace these items at our own cost.

In this instance, we will not be able to offer any compensation for the delay. Apologies for any disappointment this may cause.

We regret that we have not been able to address your concerns to your satisfaction. Unfortunately, we will not be able to offer any additional insight or action on these matters.

We hope to have the opportunity to serve you again in the future. If, based on our policies, you choose to shop elsewhere, please know that we’ve appreciated your patronage and respect your decision.

Thank you for your understanding. We are looking forward to see you again at Amazon.co.uk.

Warmest regards

Kim J

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