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My Agent

Hi, if possible could you pass this on to TV’s Jayne Middlemiss?  Thanks!

Jayne

Many years ago a young boy was sitting in his room watching TV, what’s this?  the O-Zone?  Not another Andi Peters musical review!  Hang on, this seems to have changed, who’s that man who looks a bit like me in about 12 years and who is that enchanting beauty sitting beside him with her infectious northern accent?

The answer to those questions are Jamie Theakston and Jayne Middlemiss.

Now just 15 short years later I am ready to start presenting TV shows, but is TV ready for me?  Probably not on account of the fact I have no experience.  This is where Jayne Middlemiss comes in to the equation.

First of all can I say I really admired your work on Masterchef, you deserved that title.  I remember thinking to myself, while sitting next to my ex girlfriend (who had not made me any dinner that night), Middlemiss has the looks, the brains and is a whizz in the Kitchen, is there anything that she cannot do?

Anyway may I suggest three options;

1.  TV’s Jayne Middlemiss decides to take this young man under her wing.  She mentors him and points him in the right direction, and when he makes it on TV he buys her a household pet, or another gift to the value of £300.

2.  TV’s Jayne Middlemiss hurriedly prepares some advice for this rambunctious young man.  Will he make it?  We don’t know, but if he does he will never forget Middlemiss’ advice.

3. TV’s Jayne Middlemiss ignores him.  Life goes on.

I hope you choose option one, even two, but not three Jayne, not three.

If you cannot provide this advice is it possible to get an autographed photo of you with the words ‘Every time I made a meal on Celebrity Masterchef 2009 I imagined I was cooking for you, and that made me do my best work, in many ways it was as much your victory as mine….love Jayne Middlemiss’

Yours expectantly

Hi XXX,

I hope you’re well. Please accept my apologies for the delay in getting back to you. We would be interested in receiving a copy of your CV and a photo if you’re able to send us one? It would also be great to see any footage of you on camera if you have something. My colleagues and I liked your approach!

Thanks in advance and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

Emma

Emma

Thank you for your lovely email, it certainly made my day!

I have attached my entertainments CV, I could also attach my proper CV but that is largely office work based and I am not sure that is what you are looking for.

With regards to the pictures I just want to check something about the sort of picture you want. Do you require normal photos of me, or something ‘saucier’?  I don’t want to become another starlet that is duped by a company in to taking my clothes off.

If it is all above board I can send some ‘artistic’ shots if required but I would need to wait a few days until my parents are on holiday, I don’t want my mum walking in on that sort of thing again!

With regards to the video I will happily interview one of my friends and send the video to you.  I would ask him three questions under each of the following premises;

Interviewing a shamed politician

Interviewing a teen pop star

Interviewing a recently freed prisoner

Interviewing a zoo keeper after one of the animals has killed an infant

Interviewing a passer by on the issues of the day

I think that should show my versatility.

With regards to my listed skill of playing Meatloaf songs you may have noticed that both of the songs I mention involve a female vocalist, as such I feel they would be an ideal opportunity for myself, and Jayne Middlemiss to perform a duet at the end of a variety show.  I could see us having real chemistry on a sofa together, the audience would certainly love it!

I seem to go on about Jayne a lot, but she is the reason we are talking Emma, and she probably doesn’t even know!  Do you know if she is single at the moment?  Could you set it up so me and her meet in your offices, maybe on the premise of discussing a project.  I am not great around celebrities or women I find attractive so you will probably have to force the conversation along somewhat.  Maybe you could give us £20 to go out for a drink while you sort out some ‘admin’.

You may also remember that I asked for Jaynes autograph, I actually need three of them for my friends for their birthdays (joint party), do you think she would agree to this or would she get angry?

I bet she has a temper on her!

Anyway I hope that this email reaches you safely, and if you do not have time to reply today have a great weekend.  I will get cracking on the interview video ASAP.

Thanks

Hi XXX,

Thanks for getting back to me with your CV so quickly (I’m so sorry that I misspelt your name, how incompetent of me J ) Your CV certainly gives us a good insight into your talent and career history. It seems that you’re in need of some good fortune and a good tailor. I hope that we can help with at least one of these.

I think we can leave the nude pics for now, some nice head and shoulders shots will suffice at this stage. But by all means, send in what you have! I very much look forward to receiving a copy of the interview – it sounds like you are planning to cover some very intriguing subject matter.

I’ll see what I can arrange re: the photos – what’s your address?

Best wishes,

Emma

Hi Emma

 I hope you had a great weekend, it is lovely weather isn’t it?

 I have attached some photos of me, they are not great but pop them in the portfolio!  You will notice that my nose seems quite large, so we should avoid work where a profile view is required.

 My showreel is quite a large file so is it ok to post a DVD to you instead?  If so can I get your office address?

 Do you think you could get me some work quite soon?  When I am broke I will do nearly anything for the right amount of cash!

If Jayne could dedicate the photos as listed below that would be great;

 Richard, all your songs are on my orange playlist, love Jayne

 Marc, life without you would be a nO-ZONE, love Jayne

 Jon, happy birthday, love Jayne

 Thanks for all your help!

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